Vulnerability

Lately, I feel like I've been on the lookout for something...some "church camp" experience. At least, that's the only way I can think to describe it. I'm not even sure that's the best way of explaining it...but you know something that when it happens, you reflect on it for a time after and how it impacted you in faith, in life...in something of significance?

I've been trying to pay attention to the small things around me. See if I'm missing something.
I've been paying attention to the conversations of significance. Each person dreams of being able to bare their soul to a close friend or relative. If they don't get it there, they find it on facebook or elsewhere.

My hubs is at a conducting grad class this week so I have made the 45 min trip back and forth from home so I can stay with him at one of our parents' house each night. Last night we were enjoying my parents' new screened in porch and dinner time and he was telling me about his day. See, he's been asked to conduct twice for people who KNOW what they're doing and then immediately go into an office to watch a dvd of himself...a humbling experience.

He has taken it well! He has taken this experience to learn things about his teaching and himself. Last night he was talking about yesterday specificially and the piece...Chacom by Holst (I think it's the first movement of Suite 2?), anyway, it's the same melody repeated like...16 times with different emotions in mind.

Now to my point! (Thanks for bearing with me through the background...) The professor was telling Chad how it was necessary that he express EACH emotion on his face as he led the band so that they would know he was sincere. That he be vulnerable with them so that they will trust him. This particular professor is a VERY passionate man...he has already cried twice in front of Chad's class, but that is one reason he is an EXCELLENT conductor. The group sitting in front of him KNOWS what he is asking of them and what he is expecting of them.

Isn't it cool how in life how important vulnerability is? I look to my faith and the experiences I have had with good and bad friendships...how some seem more intimate because THEY ARE. Why? Because I have chosen to be more vulnerable and bare my soul to those certain people. To CRY with them...but also to laugh with them (sometimes at myself) and to be HONEST. I love that. I love that there are some "Jesus with skin on" people in my life (wow that term takes me back-I don't know where I heard it YEARS ago but it's been a great picture of what I'm trying to portray) that I can be truthful with and open with...no walls or barriers, no watching my words or feelings...just being simply me.

The professor asked Chad if he would EVER cry in front of his band and his response? NO! (He rarely shows that kind of intimate emotion even to me...let alone his MIDDLE SCHOOL band!) The man then said "Then you can never truly connect with your band and communicate effectively what you are wanting from them." (Now, he is taking this all to heart AND with a grain of salt, but how true to life and relationships is that statement?)

I hope this all makes sense put together...it INSTANTLY connected in my mind, but I haven't had my coffee and my brain's a bit foggy.